you doused my soul with gasoline

so I dived again
in pitch black waters

why can’t there be stars
sunk in all this flesh
to light my path?

why between so many layers
the darker ones
still remain on the surface?

dégoûter: inspirer de la répugnance, écoeurer

only to find out the one who induced you to obsession is probably the personification of what you despise the most

not a poet, but also not a void

in my blue sky dreams you
also keep me
in the eternal area of your
blue skied heart
that may not be as big
as a planet but
still is a world to me
(now I shall be glad that
the universe is many galaxies
and yet I can find
one world to be mine)

no need to focus on
nothing
only find a path
that smells like chamomile
burning in the sun

I stole a piece of
your heart
it hurt but it healed
then I sewed it in mine but
now I can’t unstitch it because
when you left
you took away the tools to do it so
I hope that someday
I find out I have an iron heart
so I tear the piece apart from it
with no more damage
even though you told me that
what’s done is done

you took me by the hand
but the walk was too harsh
and you couldn’t see the stones
so you left me
falling into the void
in the confusing are of
a dark land and
I got trapped
inside my own heart

you found me made of iron
your patience certainly huge
just as the fire from what you felt
the flames full of intensity
but sadly not enough
to quickly warm a virgin heart

oh, queen patti
undo me-tore-apart
I’m blind to your work
but astonished by your life

too many thoughts
got me lost in
my own labyrinth
I called for your help
but forgot to give you
the directions
hidden from your sight
a puzzle in your mind
eternal fighter, you gave up
and turned around
said goodbye
what if I destroyed these walls
would I feel your touches
again?

swallow me
swallow love
open up your life
I know that you can take it
afraid that I can’t
open up your life
make room for us and
let me swim in your deep seas
my dearest

you told me not to overthink
so now I overfeel
I touched you
I smelled you
I danced you
I slept you
I slapped you
I screamed you
I dreamt you
but I
feel you

random words spilled from
the mouth of pure and incessant
boredom
is this how I am supposed to
keep going?
if so
will there be a hidden
weird, but safe
place for me to hide?
will you be there
or only the memories of
what I didn’t let last?

spoon me like a fetus
the position you despise
but dear
if you wanted to
love a bird
you should look
towards the sky
cause I was a
fish in deep waters
and a big wave
soon threw you
back to safe lands
I’m still in my sea
struggling to be alive
should I just
take the easy way
drown deep again
and not only pretend?

a glass of wine
won’t let me sleep
my body as boiling water
touches that burn
uncountable bubbles
traveling inside me
restlessly, tiring me
making me desire
to be somewhere else
maybe below
your comfortable hands

let them feel
four seasons in four minutes
let them have
all that they need
but fill me and
don’t go
leave
stay
go away
knowing what would come
found a manner to repulse you
hold me now if you will
all the time and when
your touches disgust me
one moment and forever
detesting the ephemeral

feels like coffee
drinking you in little sips
appreciating every drop of bitterness
that will freeze my heart soon after I finish it
I dropped the shields long ago
and every time is like a storm
whatever you say
turns the sky into hell
but fire warms my heart
and even though wounds are open again
great endeavor is required for me not to be deluded
desires of us lying in our wood floor

I used to know well
the bad touch of a quasi-long hair
loud noise wouldn’t bother my heart
if what repulses it is there
bear on my eyes for it to see
never got to know what everybody wants
tried so hard that almost got it
purely mislead by features
of one as lost as us

don’t dare to call me
from the peak of a mountain I
shall not try to climb again
because this peak is unsatisfiable
heaven is expected
never to be found