quando enfim acabou, fui obrigado a enfrentar, com a sensação de que o fazia pela primeira vez, o fato de que, mesmo tendo permitido a alguém me conhecer de verdade e amado essa pessoa da melhor maneira possível, isso não foi necessariamente suficiente para fazer a pessoa me amar.

francisco goldman

reconstruir novamente depois desse longo período de vida agitada e desesperada. o sol enfim e meu corpo ofegante. calar-me – confiar em mim.

albert camus

if it hurts more than it makes you happy then take the lesson and leave.
it's okay, some people are only rehearsals for the real thing.

beau taplin

matar não quer dizer a gente pegar revolver de buck jones e fazer bum! não é isso. a gente mata no coração. vai deixando de querer bem. e um dia a pessoa morreu.

josé mauro de vasconcelos

I hope you never get to know how it feels to be forced to stop loving

Excerpt from On Melancholy from Hannah Jacobs on Vimeo.

um pedaço de mim não fica bem porque meu coração ficou inteiro
se tivesse se partido teria o que curar

essa demora pra passar

vem
volta pra ver a calmaria

acho muito estranho vê-lo passar na rua e não o chamar. mas na verdade não teríamos nada de especial para dizer. para mim é indiferente o que lhe acontece e decerto será indiferente para você o que acontece comigo. o que lhe acontece me é indiferente porque sou infeliz. o que acontece comigo lhe é indiferente porque você é feliz. de qualquer modo, hoje você e eu somos dois estranhos.

natalia ginzburg

por tudo que queríamos ser
(mas não éramos)
nos tornamos nada

como se cortassem meus tendões, porque não paro mais em pé

a lack of color

"I think the song's title sums up the song 'A Lack of Color'. That on the outside their relationship seems boring, uninteresting, stale and to not be trying too hard. But the character in the song feels that it's really bursting from the seams. He remembers her, thinking of how special that kind of love was. That it didn't need to be showy and colorful. It was true on the inside, a deep unconditional love. The kind of secret beauty to be envious over.

But it was only him that felt this way. She didn't. She left him, and he's desperately trying to figure out why (why this keeps happening). After remembering what their love meant to him, he wants her (that kind of love) back. He calls her and leaves a message. But he knows it's too late. He knows that she didn't feel the same. To her their love was just a lack of color.

After years of repeating this pattern, of others not feeling the same, he realizes that only a colorful relationship will work. One in which the love is on the outside, is shallow, where rather than absorbing all the colors of the spectrum, they only reflect color, and have no value on the inside. Obviously, that silent sweet love isn't enough for anyone else, he thinks. Hence, "I should have given you a reason to stay."

"This is fact not fiction, for the first time in years." This is his resolution to the issue.
The fiction was his fantasy of true love.
The fact is that they leave you if you lack visible color.

He realizes that the kind of purely abstract love he wants is unrealistic.
He's no longer living in fantasy. Through the trauma, he's learnt a lesson.
Now that he's not pursuing a path that's doomed to always fail (and get him
hurt), he is now wiser. He's not going to turn anyone around from being
upside-down to fit what he wants love to be.
In future, he'll come closer than he ever could before to that kind of abstract love!
No more will there be a lack of color here."

collecting lyrics of a failure

I know it's not a fair assessment
but I can't be asked to wrestle with the colors of
who you've now become
you and I, we're not the same
and neither can be held to blame
it's just the way the story has to end

being here and being there
there's no space for being where I feel I should be
loneliness is like a drink
think you're on the verge of sinking when you tame the sea

interims are good for suckers feeling like they're down on luck

and I'm not going to drown in my own tears
I can't ask you anymore to be someone that I adore
only when the time is right for me

so let's just be

–

shut up and go to bed
put the pillow under your head
I'm sick and tired of all your worries
shut up and say goodnight
say your prayers and turn off the light
I'm sick and tired of all your sob-stories

shut up and shut your eyes
no more histrionics, no more college tries
stop pushing, stop shoving, stop straining
shut your mouth and button your lip
you're a late night faucet that's gotta drip
all you're doing is merely complaining

the excuse that you're crazy is useless
you're not biting you're barking you're toothless
but you're ruthless

shut up and count some sheep
and do me a favor, don't bitch in your sleep
no more agony, please no more sorrow
shut up and catch some zs
ice cream with a cherry plus a big pretty please
I promise we'll resume tomorrow

–

I need to walk by the flowers
with someone who can share my face
and it looks like no one can take your place
and I could bleed in sympathy with you
on those days
and I could drink up everything you have
don't let it go to waste

say something warm, say something nice
I can't stand to see you when you're cold
nor can I stand being out of your life
and I could bleed in sympathy with you
on those days
and I could drink up everything you have

don't let our youth go to waste

"make a little effort and take care of me, and live our youth together, I think the writer tries to say. I love the way he expresses how most couples who are on and off when they are young end up being together some years later, when they understand they are accustomed to each other, but their youth, the years they could have enjoyed together are gone."

–

I've been out walking
I don't do that much talking these days
these days
these days I seem to think a lot
about the things that I forgot to do
and all the times I had the chance to

and I had a lover
I don't think I'd risk another these days
these days
now if I seem to be afraid
to live the life that I have made in song
it's just that I've been losing so long

well I'll keep on moving, moving on
things are bound to be improving
these days
one of these days

these days I'll sit on cornerstones
and count the time in quarter tones to 10
my friend
don't confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them

–

I'm not being smart
or trying to be cold on my part
and I'm not gonna wear my heart on my sleeve
but you know people get all emotional
and sometimes, man, they just don't act rational
they think they're just on tv

love has gone away
and there's no one here now
and there's nothing left to say
but, oh, how I miss him, baby
oh, baby, come on and slip away
come on, baby, why don't you slip away

love is gone away
took the rings off my fingers
and there's nothing left to say
but, oh how, oh how I need him, baby
come on, baby, I need you baby
oh, please don't slip away
I need your loving so bad, babe
please don't slip away

how dearly and candidly I wanted to love
how painfully I failed

times when the greatness of life is too much for a weak heart

when this giant rock stops pressing my
feelings against the wall
will you let me breathe again
love

to love again
to live

you know I spent a million tears trying to dig myself out all these years

"relationships can be a lot more complex than you ever imagined as a younger person. from ages twenty to thirty five when you’re really going through your first batch of serious relationships, you have a lot of these fairly elementary realizations about human interaction: how everybody is kind of fucked up and there’s no real getting around that. and you’ve got to find people who are fucked up in the right ways to complement you for a while."

jessica pratt

when my thoughts make me so blind and I can barely see you
blurry
no sun can warm my soul
but a word from you

why is the evil side always stronger?

"era um ato de devoção. um pouco como escrever ou amar alguém – nem sempre achamos que vale a pena, mas, de alguma forma, não desistir disso faz um sentido inesperado depois de um tempo."

miranda july